Pilar Quezzaire I couldn’t agree more that having an affair, lying to my spouse and cheating, is the ultimate form of self-involvement and unkindness and is beyond destructive. One thing I may not have made clear is I didn’t do all this to find myself. And “liking myself” is maybe another way of saying being more honest, or doing everything I can to be more honest. But now with my husband and others in my life, I try my best for honesty. I regret what happened every day.