KD Lit Yogi You’re right. I know people who have gone outside their marriage aren’t saddled with guilt or shame. For one friend her infidelity was the first time she felt really loved and seen by someone. It changed her for only the better. For me, I think what was so destructive is that I lied. After that, it’s so much more about the lie instead of, say, what wasn’t working in the marriage or how I felt betrayed in the marriage, but not through infidelity. It’s complicated!